Last week: Intimidating French Chefs! Sibling rivalry! Bloody meat! Buh-bye Hector!
The chefs are hanging around the house and getting ready for the next evolution. The big news this week is that Michael may be emerging as the bad guy. He points out in a talking-head interview that there are some chefs still there that are less talented than chefs that have gone home. He uses Robin and Hector as his examples. He then tries to make us hate him by listing the most talented chefs as himself, Isabella and Bryan. He has either not been paying attention enough to notice Jenn and Kevin kicking much ass, or he has already discounted the accolades they have received. Then he goes on to tell us that he's worked for a lot of great chefs and when he was 26 he received one Michelin star but he wants us to know he doesn't brag about that. FYI Michael, telling us about it is bragging about it. The only way you could work that into conversation without bragging about it is if someone were to specifically ask you, "Have you ever received a Michelin star and if so at what age?"
Mattin is in the kitchen explaining what we already know, that his suckitude last week on the French challenge should not have happened because he is from France. He makes a play for a place in America's heart by saying he grew up without TV or toys, which....bleak. Somehow that made him a good cook and he still feels he can be Top Chef. Ashley calls her brother who just had a kid. She gets emotional, presumably because she is reminded that she can't get married. Kidding! It's sweet, it makes us like her more. Then the chefs are filing out of the house.
In the Top Chef kitchen, Padma introduces guest chef Tim love and tells them America chose the quickfire ingredient. Cactus! The cactus display is pretty. The winner will get $15,000. Several of the chefs have never or barely worked with cactus. Isabella explains the challenge of cactus is the slime. During the tasting, Ash hilariously tells us that after Tim Love tried his food he looked pissed at Ash for making him eat it. Sure enough, Ash, along with Michael and Ron are the bottom three. On the top are Laurine, Isabella and Mattin. Isabella wins. Michael tells us that he doesn't care about being able to take the slime out of cactus, but later he'll tell us he was shocked to be in the bottom. Whatever, poor loser.
The elimination challenge is to prepare a high-end dish outdoors. They'll be camping overnight at the cook site. The next day they'll have an hour and fifteen minutes to prepare their dishes. At Whole Foods everyone is frustrated that they don't know what the cook space will be. Afterward they drive to the middle of nowhere. They'll be sleeping in teepees and cooking on fire pits with iron pots. Since Michael is the new bad guy, he bitches that the conditions are not anything he wants to work in and are not good for the food. Did he watch this show before he signed up?
Some of the chefs are up for the challenge. Robin and Mattin have camped a lot. Ashley further endears herself by telling us she grew up in the middle of the woods with nothing and it was tough but at least it prepared her for this. Eli doesn't believe in camping. Ron is tearing a dead tree apart with his bare hands to make a voodoo snake deterrent. Bryan is doing that thing siblings do where if one is acting up the other goes out of their way to be charming and good. He unzips the teepee and calls it the Voltaggio household. He camped as a teenager with friends so he's ready for this. Michael pouts. Intensely. We get a too-brief scene of all the chefs around the campfire that night, making jokes and s'mores.
The next day when they start cooking all are freaking out and sweating and telling us how hard this is. Ron disturbs everyone by asking for a sword to cut his coconut. They all have extremely red faces. Bryan says he stared at the grill for an hour to come up with his plan. Honestly, standing over a fire in the desert on a hot day does not look fun. Even eating in the desert on a hot day does not look fun.
It's time to serve. Is it ever okay to wear a denim vest? Even if you're Padma? Isabella's gyro is okay, Laurine's ability to grill is impressive, Eli's tuna sandwich sucks. Mattin's ceviche is so terrible Tom has to take it out of his mouth and throw it on the ground. Right after we see that, we see Mattin gloating over how great his dish is. Robin's prawns are terrible. It's not really clear if they were inherently bad prawns or if she did something bad to them. Either way she should have fixed it. Ash's chicken is not a winner, either. The judges like Bryan's pork and polenta, Jen's fish and slaw and Ashley's halibut. Ron's ceviche is okay but his cocktail is terrible, Michael's dashi is good, Kevin's duck is beautifully cooked.
The li'l clip interrupting the long commercial this week is about Kevin's random horseshoe excellence. He's playing at the camp with bestie Eli, Ashley and Bryan (maybe Ash? it's hard to tell for sure). After Kevin says it's his idea of heaven, Eli affectionately calls him a redneck.
The chefs hang out in their purgatory room waiting for the results. Padma comes in calls out Ashley, Laurine, Bryan and Michael. The other chefs longingly watch them leave. The judges compliment Ashley, Laurine and Bryan but when it's Michael's turn he talks about what he had to overcome. He's not bragging, though. Bryan wins. He's cute when he wins and since Michael's a bad guy this week it's not annoying when Bryan points out that when it comes down to the both of them at judges' table he wins. Apparently he doesn't remember the Air Force challenge or he's not counting it. It occurs to us that Michael's inability to win more often than his brother may be behind his new bad-guyness.
The bottom three to face judgment are Ron, Robin and Mattin. Robin blahblahs nonsensically and Tim Love calls her out on it. She admits she's not surprised to be in the bottom. Mattin foolishly says he was happy with his dish and is surprised to be there. Tim Love says it made him sick. Ron wouldn't be there if not for the cocktail. Dismissed! The judges discuss if Robin's dish is more heinous than Mattin's. Mostly they're pissed that Mattin thought his ceviche was good. So he's the one to pack his knives and go. He loses fairly graciously. Buh-bye Mattin!
Next week: Magic! Tempers! Testicles!
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