TV Makes You Smart

About Last Night

Does anyone else find themselves reluctantly falling in love with the Amazing Race cowboys?  They were funny last night.

What about How to Make it in America?  It's not quite compelling and not quite good, yet we watch it every week. 

About Last Night

Does anyone else remember Cook Islands?  Remember how Candice jumped ship to go back to the white people team?  Remember how fun it was to watch her go to Exile Island every single time?  How did she end up on the Heroes team?  Nice to see you (and your muscles) again, James!

Awww, Damon.  She doesn't care.  Ben gives Pizza Vamp some competition for Worst Vamp Ever.  We won't stay happy for Caroline and Matt much longer if they keep up their nonsense.  Now that we have seen exactly how badass Grams was, we will miss her quite a lot.  Unless we don't have to.

About Last Night

Project Runway was pretty dull last season.  We still watched it, but for the clothes, not for the people.  This season looks much more promising because of Anthony Williams.  He's hilarious and adorable and we really hope he has the chops to go the distance so this season stays interesting.

Fringe was good last night.  We've missed Olivia and her team and the story was cool and surprisingly touching.

About Last Night

Amazing Race  Aw, Globetrotters!  Goshdarnnit.  We'll miss you.  Sam and Dan have become so ridiculous that at this point they seem to be parodying themselves and Meghan and Cheyne are still boringly competent.  Brian and Ericka were ecstatic about making it into the finals and Ericka was so hilariously okay with being an obnoxious American that they've won us over.  Go Brian and Ericka!

Dexter  Trinity gets creepier and more frightening as the season draws to a close.  His bomb shelter antics were horrible and his relationship with Christine is tragic.  We almost feel sorry for her.  She never had much of a chance to be a real person with Trinity for a father.  It was fun to watch Batista and Deb go after her.  Next week Trinity tracks down Dexter at work! 

About Last Night

Amazing Race tipped those bratty brothers out of a kayak a bunch of times.  It was really fun to watch.  Go Globetrotters!

The Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm was fantastic.  Perfect for the show and if it really was the series finale, a great good-bye.

Dexter dropped a huge "Hi Daddy" bomb at the end.  Trinity is so vicious and his family so damaged it was really uncomfortable to watch.  We were totally shortchanged on Masuka and Dexter's kids.  That situation had a lot of untapped comedy potential.  Poor Masuka.  Why spend so much time getting us to invest in LaGuerta and Batista and their sweetness when it's clearly headed for disaster?  It's just mean.

About Last Night

So You Think You Can Dance has worn us down.  We are ready to admit that we need to find our way onto the Mollee/Nathan love train because they're not going anywhere.  So okay, fine, the Pop Jazz routine was pretty good.  And even though we love Karen and Kevin and their dance was really cute, they didn't kick the requisite amount of ass they needed to in order to stay.  On the other hand, our other favorites Ryan/Ellenore and Kathryn/Legacy came roaring back this week.  The Travis Wall routine was lovely.

Tabatha had another great week on Tabatha's Salon Takeover.  She faced down a ridiculous receptionist, getting her to admit her own uselessness before getting her fired.  Tabatha's very presence made one of the stylists so scared she swallowed her gum.  And, of course, she brought the salon owner's fortunes back from the brink of disaster and inspired everyone to remember their passion for fabulous hair.  This show is so inexplicably fun.

Dancing With The Stars is almost at an end.  There's nothing left to say because there's no one left worth hating on.  The end.  Go Kelly!

About Last Night

Yay America!  We did it!  Buh-bye Aaron Carter!  We're guessing that as soon as we stop seeing you on Dancing With The Stars we will quickly forget our irrational hate for you.

So You Think You Can Dance is back to being too much too soon.  Too much filler too soon after the last season of filler we lived through.  Karen and Kevin were wonderful again, but our other faves Ellenore/Ryan and Kathryn/Legacy didn't quite pull it off (and yet didn't really blow it, either).  Mollee/Nathan continue to be shoved down our throats gratingly although even the judges had to admit they kind of sucked.  The judges were unduly hard on Channing/Victor.  Their dance was lovely.  Russell is so far ahead of the game he's untouchable.

We recently found ourselves sucked into the improbably entertaining Tabatha's Salon Makeover and the episode last night was particularly satisfying.  She had a ridiculous, hard-headed nemesis, an extra-pathetic owner to transform and a new gay bff, although Tabatha probably has a million gay bffs.  This show is fun.  She's fair and cold and relentlessly honest, but she's not mean.  She really does want to help people.  Plus we would sell our soul (we share one soul amongst us) for her wardrobe.

About Last Night

On Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry discovered his dad saved $100 by using "Past Away" in place of "Passed Away" on Larry's mom's grave marker.  Then Larry accidentally killed a golfer with a heart attack and a beautiful black swan with a golf club.  It was another great episode, but where the frak is Leon?

Bored to Death was super fun last week because it was George-heavy.  Last night he didn't show up until twelve minutes in and we felt his absence but next week he boxes his nemesis.  Promising.

We have been fans of The Globetrotters ever since The Amazing Race season premiere.  Last night they had to learn a traditional Dutch dance dressed in regional dress and it was one of the greatest race scenes ever.  Fabulous.  We still like Gary and Matt because they seem nice and normal.  As far as Bryan and Ericka go we'd like to say to Bryan, "That's what you get for marrying Miss America."  Maria and Tiffany were eliminated and while they were disadvantaged when it comes to upper body strength, Maria is a defeatist asshole and they will not be missed.

It was parents' weekend on Tool Academy and there was something great and kickass about Nicole's mom Kate.  She was righteously pissed (as she should be) that her daughter is dating an unfaithful douche, but she managed to articulate her feelings in an objective way and was open to listening and giving Dancing Tool the benefit of the doubt.  Clearly no one told her how parents are supposed to act on VH1.

About Last Night

So You Think You Can Dance Meet the Top 20 was surprisingly good.  The choreographers came gave us good material.  Both the contemporary pieces were beautiful, Sonya's jazz routine was fun and ballroom was hot.  The Wade Robson group dance was fantastic.  It was sexy, exciting and unique and all the dancers looked fabulous doing it. 

It's somewhat difficult to know what to say about Heroes when the show seems so determined to sabotage itself.  We dare you to care about whether or not Matt and his wife stay together.  Yes, we know they have a kid (who's new power seems to be invisibility) but she cheated on him and he's too whiny to be sympathetic.  We just want the Sylar in Matt's head to get back with his own body.  Why hasn't Samuel figured out the Nathan connection yet?  Why did we spend all that time with Jeremy?  To be reminded of the cruelty of humankind?  Does the show really just have tons of extra time and no way to fill it?

Another VH1 quest for true love ended last night with the finale of Real Chance of Love.  It may be the end of an era, in which case it's really really sad no one threw a drink or screamed insults.  Sigh.  On the other hand, No Excuses, the latest attempt at "redemptive" programming premiered last night and it was touching.  Nowhere near as funny as New York being spat upon, but pretty good nonetheless.

About Last Night

OMG America.  It appears Don Dick Whitman Draper has real feelings.  And Roger has real monogomy, which we did not see coming.  Meanwhile, Joan practices domestic battery.  Not that he didn't deserve it.  Also, there were asshole pet owners even back in the 60's.

A multitude of bad things happened on Dexter.  Debra's lost and falling apart.  Anton's heart got broken but good.  Rita's had it with Dexter's mysteriousness.  LaGuerta outed her relationship with Batista and he was mad but forgave her and they were adorable again, then her boss told her she has to transfer Batista out of homicide which is bullshit because he's awesome.  Quinn sucks (hee!).  Masuka has feelings.  Dexter knows who the bad guy is but couldn't stop him before he bashed in an innocent victim's head with a framing hammer.  It has a good heft and is versatile.

S**t Talking Tool tried to choke out Hillbilly Tool, but that wasn't enough to violate VH1's Tool Academy code of conduct.  Looks like all that nonsense about getting VH1 out of the gutter has been forgotten.  Good news. 

Go Globetrotters!  We would have been crushed to see them off The Amazing Race.  They're fun.  Our prediction that Megan and Cheyne would be tough to beat but so vanilla no one will care if they win has proven incorrect.  In fact, they are annoying and we will now be actively hoping they fail.

About Last Night

Jay and Cameron bonding last night on Modern Family made us realize that one of the many things the show does well is develop a relationship and dynamic between each pair of characters.  Plus it's just plain funny.  Even when you see a joke coming it's funny.

Sweet Caroline is one of our favorite Glee songs yet.  It was lovely.  Puck's story about the Schindler's List tradition was just weird enough to be touching.  We never would have guessed, while watching (and re-watching) the pilot all those months ago that Puck would become such an interesting, sexy character.  By the way, we've checked and the actor playing him is totally of age so it's not creepy that we've got the hots for him.  He and Rachel were cute together.  When did Sue Sylvester become sympathetic?  In an episode with copious (nearly odious) amounts of Mr. Schu dancing, the swing dancing with her was the best.  So much unexpected fun.  But poor Sue.  Poor Ken, too.  They can't go through with the wedding, can they? 

About Last Night

It was just last week when we told you we aren't that into So You Think You Can Dance this season, that it's too soon since the last season blahblahblah.  We have changed our minds for a very good reason.  That reason is Russell the krumper.  His audition was great and he's done well in the other styles, but mostly we are sucked in by his fantastic smile and the editing that has made him just the right amount of underdog-overcoming-obstacles.  He cried when he told his mom he got through to the next round.  We love you Russell!  Curse you SYTYCD! 

Modern Family is consistently awesome.  Funny and awkward and embarrassing... just like real family!

C'mon, Glee!  When is Finn going to learn about the bird and the bees?  It's killing us slowly with a thousand tiny cuts.  Are you saving it for the season finale?  Sue was particularly funny last night with her sensitivity to minorities. 

About Last Night

VH1 Hip Hop Honors Def Jam did not disappoint.  There was a lot of storytelling by Def Jam founders and executives and it was all interesting and informative.  There was a ton of performances.  Favorites were Public Enemy, Eminem doing LL Cool J (awesomely) and The Beastie Boys as interpreted by KRS One.  It's good that he gave a shout-out to Yauch and his cancer battle, we were kind of waiting for someone to say something.  One of the best parts of the night was the camera finding Russell Simmons and Chris Rock rapping along with the performances.  They looked like they were having fun.

Yes, okay!  Yes we watched The forgotten again.  We learned all about parachute kids and how wisdom teeth will totally ruin the efforts of a fifteen-year-old to pass for twenty-something.  Also,the Chicago Police Department, Homicide Division is severely understaffed.

About Last Night

Zev and Justin were our faves on Amazing Race and they are out of it in a heartbreaker episode.  Lance and Keri are still in it and continue to hate each other and annoy the rest of us.

Another fave, Sal, was treated horribly by Mad Men.  Why did it have to happen?  Our dear, dear Sal.  At least it looked like he was cruising at the end. 

Curb Your Enthusiasm was hilarious.  Christian Slater fit right in to the attitude of the show.  Suzie yelling at Larry and kicking him out of her house was awesome.

About Last Night

America, last night on Survivor when Erik was running after the chicken and got clotheslined by a clothesline...it was like Christmas in October.  G'head, watch it over and over again.  It completely negates his impressive idol-finding.  Does no one watch the show before they go on it?  A chicken always escapes, people.  Always. 

From Kevin's shoes to Andy's scrotum and every inapproriate speech in between, The Office gave us a completely satisfying, cringe-inducing rehearsal dinner and wedding.

Poor Olivia.  Fringe puts her through a lot.  It's good that Charlie was found to be not Charlie, but sad all over again that Charlie is gone.  His physical symptoms of decay were gnarly.  And the tossing of frozen heads?  Ew. 

Vampire Diaries laid off the diaries!  Good move.  And Damon's imprisonment did not last long, thank goodness.   Why was Stefan wearing a shirt during the car wash?   How will he explain away the large sharpened stake he's holding in his hand when Elena shows up to ask if he's a vampire?

About Last Night

Yes, America.  We continue to watch The Forgotten even while we roll our eyes and try to pinpoint our motivations.  Last night we learned that football players have better health care than boxers and crinkle-cut pickles can be the key to John Doe identification.

So You Think You Can Dance is through the audition stage and is finally moving on to "Vegas Week" wherein there will be crying, sleep deprivation, injuries and heartbreak.  Someone will be utterly moved by learning a Mia Michaels routine, someone will unexpectedly excel at a style not their own and several someones will tell us it's the hardest thing they've ever done in their whole eighteen years on the planet.  

Dancing With the Stars results show gave us a magical, brilliant Jabberwockies routine.  It's really impressive how they've made a career for themselves by constantly stretching themselves to do new things.  Love them.  Bye Debi! 

About Last Night

Glee had a drunken Kurt hilariously mistaking Emma for Bambi and Finn looking confused by Cabaret.  There were a lot of songs last night, which is great.  Pack as many in as possible.  Someone please tell Finn about the birds and the bees! 

We love So You Think You Can Dance.  Seriously.  We always get way too invested in someone we know won't win (Donyelle, Pasha, Katee, Ade) and before this season we've always been really anxious for the start of the show.  But it's too much, two seasons in one year.  We're not nearly as enthusiastic.  We usually love the auditions but this time we're fast forwarding through the losers and the home visits and the randoms outside.  Go back to once a year.

We again found ourselves laughing out loud to Modern Family and in the next second feeling a bit warm and fuzzy.  The writing is clever.  Where do gay men find shirts with contrasting fabric on the insides of the cuffs?  It's sharp.

Cougar Town is ridiculous but it's so much so that if you can just enjoy the ride it's a lot of fun.  Courtney Cox is great and Dan Byrd, who plays her character's son, is fantastic.  He's perfect for the show. 

About Last Night

Ah, Heroes.  Back to your old tricks, including plotlines that inch forward at approximately the same pace as the planet's coastlines degrade and an overestimation of our interest in the minutiae of Claire's life.  The new hero is charming and appealing, but we know you, Heroes.  You'll misuse her or kill her or she'll just disappear.  At least Sylar knows what's up.  "I wish I was a ghost.  It'd be so much better than this hell.  Being stuck in your miserable life," he said to Matt.  We feel you, Sylar.  Keep it up and we might start looking forward to watching the show.  Also, Samuel is pretty f'n cool.  Please don't ruin Sylar and Samuel for us, Heroes.  Sigh.  Never mind.  We already know you will.

Castle completely suckered us in to laughing at the wagering joke.  The show does gallows humor (and taunting) really well.  It's nice to see Beckett lighten up a little bit, even if it took most of the episode.  And the use of red herrings in the story made it better than the normal mystery.

Dancing With the Stars has heavily stacked the deck to favor Mya and Aaron Carter.  We like Mya, we're rooting for her and Dmitry but it's not fair to have someone with so much dance training competing against athletes and a politician and on top of it pairing her with someone who has his own fan base from SYTYCD.  Something about Aaron Carter makes us want to punch him in his face and then tear some spiky hair off his head and stab him in the eye with it.  We like Louie and Debi.

The Real Chance of Love episode last night was an awesome example of why we love VH1 celebreality.  The girls had to make court cases against each other.  Sounds stupid and it is stupid, but the editors brilliantly used People's Court music and style to frame the absurdity.  It's just funny to someone be accused in a mock court of "Not holding it down for her man".  It just is.  Stupid Ryan Jenkins.  He ruined it for all of us.

About Last Night

Curb Your Enthusiasm is as funny and uncomfortable as it has ever been.  The yelling, the awkward situations, the verbal dissections of what is and isn't appropriate are brilliant.  Catherine O'Hara was so much fun as Funkhouser's crazy sister. 

Bored to Death's premiere was weird and tried too hard, but we found it easy to watch.  The influence of the hard-boiled detective genre is there throughout and the contrasts are interesting.  Phillip Marlowe spent a lot of time in shady flop motels, but he never danced goofily through the lobby of one.  Know why?  Because it's stupid.

Mad Men asked the age-old question: Is it gay to get mani-pedis?  This show doesn't often make us laugh out loud but Roger was on fire last night.  "The British are coming!" was perfect and his honest shock at finding himself left off the org chart was actually quite touching.  Guy MacKendrick's future of endless possibility being destroyed by office partying was jarring.  But then it was inappropriately funny, as were all the jokes at his expense.  Evidently degrees from Cambridge and The London School of Economics are useless when you only have one foot and will never golf again.  Meanwhile, Betty's parenting continues to suck and our hearts break for Joan.  It's nice that she and Don had some time together.  A lovely scene.

Tool Academy is a thing of peculiar beauty.  Last night we saw a tool covered from collarbone to pubic bone in Nair For Men.  That tool later explained he doesn't leave the house unless he's perfect.  The other tools were ecstatic to have learned this effective manscaping technique.  Then some of them cried because underneath the doucheyness they're full of pain and insecurities.  It's amazing. 

About Last Night

Survivor has been hyping the villainnist villain of all time and we were dubious but America, he is evil.  He poured the water out of the canteens of his own team.  He burned a teammate's socks.  He is vicious and cruel.  And anyone who believes a word out of his mouth gets what they deserve.  Betsy sees right through him but we've already seen it will be hard for her to convince the others, especially if she's not going to try.  Also, Samoa is pretty.

Vampire Diaries sucked us in last week even as we acknowledged its stupidity.  Last night it was probably even more stupid but it's too late.  We're in.  Stefan had his shirt all the way off this week and he glowered beautifully at his brother.  He's forever with the crinkled brow.  We get it.  He's in pain.  He needs kissing and...texting?   Damon, on the other hand awesomely switches on a dime from totally evil to simply sarcastic and amused.  He and Stefan look alike when they're both wearing black v-necks.

Community is funny!  Joel McHale is great as Jeff, the unexpected liar of a leading man.  Abed is hilarious.  The writing is quality.  It was a successful pilot.

Welcome back The Office and Parks and Recreation.  We've missed you.