TV Makes You Smart

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 13 - America's Heart Breaks

The final four battle it out in Napa Valley.  The quickfire challenge is to make a dish from grapes.  They cook and serve on the Napa Valley Wine Train.  Michael wins and gets a 3rd Generation Prius.  The elimination challenge is to cook two dishes for a crush party, out of only local ingredients.  One dish has to be vegetarian and one has to use a local protein.  They get five hours to cook and a nice big kitchen to work in.  There's no drama.  All of the chefs do well, but Bryan wins.  In a heartbreaking and b.s. turn of events, Jenn has to pack her knives and go.  If she deserved to lose the editors really fell asleep, because to us at home it seemed like Michael's unfinished egg and excess soup added up to the more egregious offense.  To us at home, it seemed like it was more important to get both the brothers into the final than to be fair.  But that can't possibly have been the case, right?  Competitive reality shows never do things like that.  Jenn is crushed but too classy to call foul.  She blames only herself for failing.  Bye Jennifer Carroll.  You were really fun to watch and we really cared about your success.  You are one of the most likeable Top Chef contestants ever.

Next week: The judges make snarky comments!  Someone is Top Chef!

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 12 - Risky Simplicity

Previously on Top Chef: Casinos are inspiring!  Michael is a dick but also a winner!  Buh-bye Robin!

It's morning in the chef'testant house.  Bryan tells us it's the last challenge in Las Vegas and that winning $100,000 would be a big deal to him.  Kevin tells us he's glad he made it this far but he misses his wife.  Kevin is the red herring this week, America.  Eli tells us his mentor is Richard Blais and he wants to win the competition for the both of them.  Jenn reminds us that she's had performance issues.  

About Last Night

So You Think You Can Dance has worn us down.  We are ready to admit that we need to find our way onto the Mollee/Nathan love train because they're not going anywhere.  So okay, fine, the Pop Jazz routine was pretty good.  And even though we love Karen and Kevin and their dance was really cute, they didn't kick the requisite amount of ass they needed to in order to stay.  On the other hand, our other favorites Ryan/Ellenore and Kathryn/Legacy came roaring back this week.  The Travis Wall routine was lovely.

Tabatha had another great week on Tabatha's Salon Takeover.  She faced down a ridiculous receptionist, getting her to admit her own uselessness before getting her fired.  Tabatha's very presence made one of the stylists so scared she swallowed her gum.  And, of course, she brought the salon owner's fortunes back from the brink of disaster and inspired everyone to remember their passion for fabulous hair.  This show is so inexplicably fun.

Dancing With The Stars is almost at an end.  There's nothing left to say because there's no one left worth hating on.  The end.  Go Kelly!

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 11 - Death or Glory

Previously on Top Chef: Natalie Portman is a vegetarian but so are a lot of people and the cheftestants need to shut up and accommodate them.  Jenn had confidence issue.  Robin still didn't pack her knives and go.  Buh-bye Isabella!

In the house, Bryan is missing his family.  He has an adorable conversation with his son.  The editing spends so much time on him I start thinking he's going to blow it and be sent home.  Robin and Jenn are getting ready and Robin turns to Jenn and tells her, "I'm glad we're still here, Jennifer."  In a talking head, Jenn says it's a big deal that Isabella's not there and she needs to stop worrying about other people and worry about herself.  Yes.  Do that.  It's time for the Quickfire!

About Last Night

Yay America!  We did it!  Buh-bye Aaron Carter!  We're guessing that as soon as we stop seeing you on Dancing With The Stars we will quickly forget our irrational hate for you.

So You Think You Can Dance is back to being too much too soon.  Too much filler too soon after the last season of filler we lived through.  Karen and Kevin were wonderful again, but our other faves Ellenore/Ryan and Kathryn/Legacy didn't quite pull it off (and yet didn't really blow it, either).  Mollee/Nathan continue to be shoved down our throats gratingly although even the judges had to admit they kind of sucked.  The judges were unduly hard on Channing/Victor.  Their dance was lovely.  Russell is so far ahead of the game he's untouchable.

We recently found ourselves sucked into the improbably entertaining Tabatha's Salon Makeover and the episode last night was particularly satisfying.  She had a ridiculous, hard-headed nemesis, an extra-pathetic owner to transform and a new gay bff, although Tabatha probably has a million gay bffs.  This show is fun.  She's fair and cold and relentlessly honest, but she's not mean.  She really does want to help people.  Plus we would sell our soul (we share one soul amongst us) for her wardrobe.

Top Chefs All Stars Dinner - Spill it, Kids!

Fabio is hosting a dinner!  He looks cute in his pink shirt, black jacket and cuff links.  He's standing in Social restaurant in Hollywood.  Tiffany is first to arrive.  They greet each other warmly, then Harold The King comes in, followed by Ilan and they are all graciousness and contentment.  Marcel's entrance on screen is preceded by the Top Chef this-is-serious-music.  Fabio and the guests greet him nicely and Fabio even compliments his work.  In a talking-head, Marcel proves he is utterly lacking in self-awareness when he says he learned a lot from watching himself on Season Two.  He learned he was young and was a force to be reckoned with and that's why people hated him.  A clip of the Season Two stew room shows Ilan yelling at him to learn how to use salt and paprika and until then shut the f up.  I don't remember that scene but I'm sure I loved it just as much then as I do now.  Fabio tries to stir it up between them but neither bites.  Marcel says he and Ilan and "...culinary brothers of other mothers..."  He really did say that.  

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 10 - Steak Through the Heart

Previously on Top Chef: Michael was a dick to Bryan and Robin but his team rocked it and the other team sucked.  He won because acting like a professional is not part of the criteria.  Buh-bye Laurine!

We open on the chef house, where Michael is literally sharpening his knives.  Jenn is sharpening her self-flagellation tools.  On to the M Resort!  What is it with Padma and jumpsuits?  The guest judge for the quickfire is Paul Bartolotta.  Isabella tells us Paul is one of the top Italian chefs in the country.  The challenge is completely unrelated to his specialty.  It's a TV challenge, America.  TV!  They have 60 minutes to cook dishes inspired by TV shows and served in divided trays kind of like you would get with a TV dinner.  During the cooking time, we learn from Michael that he and Bryan used to live with their Mom, then went to live with their Dad where they ate TV dinners.  There's a really adorable picture of them as kids.  Jenn has to cook a dish inspired by The Flintstones.  She tells us that The Flintstones character she identifies with most is Pebbles due to the cute, strong boyfriend and even the club and hair-pulling could be fun sometimes.  Now that Jenn is forever second-guessing herself and making mistakes, I like her even more because I'm constantly worried she'll be leaving us.  Eli reminds us that his show, Gilligan's Island was way before his time.  Kevin has The Sopranos and he's inspired by the importance of family on the show and in his own life.

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 9 - Revolt(ing)

Last week: Eli bitched at Robin, Michael messed with Bryan.  Kevin won and Ash went home.

This week opens on the pool at the chef house.  Jenn looks great in a bikini.  Laurine tells us she feels lucky to still be there, so we know she'll be the one leaving.  Kevin tells us everyone misses Ash, especially because the Voltaggios are always at each other.  He's too nice to say he's sick of it.  Michael admits that between him and Bryan he's the dickhead...I mean instigator. 

news

New housewives in New York.

VH1 and Master P have teamed up for gang interventions on No Excuses.  Sounds promising.

We've been looking forward to Lock n' Load, but this reviewer was less than impressed.

William H. Macy gets Showtime show!

New Celebrity Apprentice cast announced. 

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 8 - Swines and Whines

Last week on Top Chef:  Isabella thinks Robin doesn't know how to cook tuna, but hey...even Michael can overcook a fish.  Bye Ashley!

The chef'testants are hanging around the house.  Michael reminds us that being in the bottom was a new experience for him.  He follows that up by comparing himself to Babe Ruth.  Eli sits on his bed and talks to his mom.  He and his mom are close.  Because he still lives with his parents.  He's stressed about having been in the bottom on the last challenge.  Robin does Pilates in the backyard.  They're off to cook!

news

Tracey Morgan dishes on some former cast members.

The new Ray J girls can be seen here.  Which one will find true love?

TLC's Chilli is getting her own VH1 show, but there will be a regrettable lack of contestants locked in a mansion together.

Bravo is giving Jackie Warner another go.  Thintervention has already won at least half the battle by having an awesome name.

Another new HBO project, this one by Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman-Palladino.  And a production date for Game of Thrones.

While we're on the topic of HOB, here's a nice reminder of just how lovely the first season of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency was.

The Catholic church is pissed at Sarah Silverman.

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 7 - Slots and Woks

Previously: Jenn had confidence issues, Robin survived cancer in order to annoy everyone.  Bye Ron!

It's been two weeks since we've seen a new episode.  I have never loved Top Chef as much as I do in this moment.  Here we go!

news

Sigh.  This is the kind of celebreality programming we can look forward to in place of drunken young women with loose morals throwing tequila at each other.  Flavor Flav goes back to school.

GLAAD likes Glee.

Yay!  Besides Bethenny, fabulous Christian Siriano and adorable Fabio Viviani are also getting their own shows on Bravo.

FX has more new shows in the works.

Matt LeBlanc has a sitcom in the works for Showtime and the premise is a good one.

Here's a bit more info on AMC's Walking Dead.  There's not even a production start date yet.

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 6 - Deconstruction Worker

Previously on Top Chef:  Teepees!  Sand!  Raw fish!  Buh-bye Mattin and Mattin's scarf!

At the house, Isabella is leading a movement to get everyone to wear a Mattin scarf.  In the girl's room Robin is annoying.  When all the chef'testants enter the Top Chef kitchen, she's the only one not wearing the scarf around her neck.  She has it folded and tucked into the pocket on her chef's coat.  Michelle Bernstein is the guest judge for this episode.  She's really cute.  Padma tells them the quickfire challenge is to make a dish that represents the angel on your left shoulder and the devil on your right.  Are there actually specific sides assigned to angels and devils?  Extensive 30 second searching finds that yes, there are, but Padma reversed them.  Did Padma pick out her shirt intentionally because it has excess shoulder poof on which angels can stand?  Anyway, they have one hour, winner gets immunity.

Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 5 - Stand the Heat

Last week: Intimidating French Chefs!  Sibling rivalry!  Bloody meat!  Buh-bye Hector!

The chefs are hanging around the house and getting ready for the next evolution.  The big news this week is that Michael may be emerging as the bad guy.  He points out in a talking-head interview that there are some chefs still there that are less talented than chefs that have gone home.  He uses Robin and Hector as his examples.  He then tries to make us hate him by listing the most talented chefs as himself, Isabella and Bryan.  He has either not been paying attention enough to notice Jenn and Kevin kicking much ass, or he has already discounted the accolades they have received.  Then he goes on to tell us that he's worked for a lot of great chefs and when he was 26 he received one Michelin star but he wants us to know he doesn't brag about that.  FYI Michael, telling us about it is bragging about it.  The only way you could work that into conversation without bragging about it is if someone were to specifically ask you, "Have you ever received a Michelin star and if so at what age?"