TV Makes You Smart

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How can we be merry this time of year when the lack of original programming wearies our hearts and plagues our souls?  It's impossible to feel thankful and miraculous while our brains are atrophying with every rerun.  We don't yet know what all is under the Christmas Tree, but we know it won't be new episodes.  If we can just make it through this happhappiest time of the year, 2010 promises renewal, hope...and the progression of halted story lines.

Are you ready America?  Although it can't happen soon enough, True Blood will be back and the casting news and spoilers are coming fast and furious.  No big plot spoilers here.  Lafayette gets a boyfriend!  We'll meet Sam's mom!  Jason gets a love/lust interest!  The werewolf has adorable dimples!  Eric falls for a Fangtasia dancer!  Explicit sex scenes, please.

William H. Macy and Showtime have a future together and Emmy Rossum is along for the ride.

And speaking of can't happen soon enough, Justified.  Just.if.ied.  Timothy Olyphant looking sternly at bad guys while wearing a cowboy hat.  Fully aware of the fact that I repeat myself, I'll say it again: No one delivers a quiet threat like T.O.  Trailer here.  More info here.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

Oh, Sons of Anarchy.  Your ways are devious and labyrinthine.  I am starting to wonder, again, at what point does a guy start to think, "You know, this whole biker outlaw thing....totally not worth it."  Stolen babies, murderous intentions, abdominal stab wounds...where's the payoff?  Granted, you do get to shoot at your enemies from the back of a truck and that looks pretty fun.

Apropos de Nada

Sons of Anarchy “Culling”

The opening this week is fantastic.  First we see everyone preparing to go to the mattresses, then the excellent casting of the extras in the clubhouse when Clay gives his speech makes for a sort of oddly moving, somehow old-fashioned community scene. 

Will the prospect be given a patch next week?  He deserves it.  As cruel as Clay has been, it was nice to hear him say, “Half a sack...shitload of balls”.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

Hey, Sons of Anarchy.  It's not like we each one of us doesn't know a miserable prick (or ten) who we suspect contemplates or has contemplated suicide.  Often that miserable prick doesn't want help or doesn't want anyone to know they want help.  This is America, after all, and everyone is totally free to be as much of a miserable suicidal prick as they please.  Even still, it's hard to watch.  I hate you for Piney and his miserable pricktitude.

As a Northern Californian, I thank you for "My father died on 580."  Your commitment to the show's sense of place is admirable and very much appreciated. 

I hate you for how evil Jimmy is.  Although I love Titus Welliver.  But thanks for giving Chibs the opportunity to use "McBastards" and for him having his revenge after we heard the twisted backstory.  It is twisted, by the way.  Y'all are some sick folks.

Thank you for Jax's face as we watched his heart break over and over again during the vote while his brothers reluctantly gave him what he said he wanted.  But also, I hate you for it.  Charlie Hunnam had so many fantastic, tiny moments this episode it's hard to remember them all.  The scene with Gemma when he learns she thinks his Dad killed himself, or let himself die, or something?  And of course Gemma's big reveal, the moment so gargantuan it seemed it would be impossible for the show to pull it off.  And then you did.  It was brilliant and sad and perfect.  The whole thing.  From Gemma's unsparing account and her silent communication with Tara to watching Clay and Jax grow more and more livid and the quiet intensity of the immediate aftermath. 

Thank you for Kipp and Tig's trip.  Actually, for the whole reservation story line.  Unexpected and delightful, it took for a moment the weight of the show off of us.  But WTF?  How did you succeed in making Tig so empathetic?  Nicely done.  His excitement over Clay giving him the shrooms was very nearly adorable and his regret is infinite and ruthless.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

You know what?  Jax Teller's ass is not a universal cure for all that ails us.  Don't get me wrong, it comes close.  So thank you, Sons of Anarchy.  Anytime you want to show us Jax stripping down and getting in the shower, we'll take it. 

But I hate you for Zobelle's continued victory.  Why do the white separatists always get to win?  On the other hand, who is more evil?  Zobelle or Clay?  I don't know anymore.  While we're on the subject, I hate you for Clay's loss of perspective and common sense.  Who will get behind him on dealing with Hamas?  Even Tig has a conscience these days.

Thank you for SAMCRO finally succeeding at a criminal endeavor.  They may have taken the long, wrong way around it, but they accomplished with the judge what they needed to.  How messed up was that guy that he was ready to watch his son die but not his love letters burn?  Nice touch.

Thank you for Gemma and Unser even though it was kind of corny.  Finally, Gemma finds a little of what she needs.  Next week says aloud that she has suspicions about John Teller's death!  Gasp!

WTF?  Chuckie had to die?  I know it's not certain, but still.  And while Darby was a scumbag, at least he was a scumbag SAMCRO could consistently subdue.  Although, Jax thinking Clay did it?  Brilliant.

I want to thank you for Opie finally finding a bit of happiness or comfort in Lyla, but I suspect you're setting him up for another fall.

Finally, Bobby bakes banana bread?  Really?  It's super cute.  Thank you.  He's trying so hard to hold everyone together.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

I'm so depressed, Sons of Anarchy.  I mean, yes, we all knew going into this that any show combining Hamlet and motorcycles was never going to be exactly feel-good, but when the only good thing that happens is Kip's satisfaction with his neuticle, you are laying the tragedy on a bit thick.  Because the thing about Shakespearian tragedy in its original form is this: after you read or see a play it's over and you go on with your life as the memories of the terrible things that befell our heroes slowly fade.  It does not continue every week to just get worse and worse.  So just like the last few weeks, I hate you Sons of Anarchy for piling on all this crap with precious little comic relief.  Because there's no way I'll stop watching.

WTF?  I'm beginning to suspect TWOP was right.  SAMCRO's criminal misdeeds are neither impressive nor very successful.

Thank you for giving Opie back a bit of his sweetness.  There's something nice about his protectiveness of a woman whom he is not banging.

WTF have you done to Otto this season?  I'm almost hoping he'll turn on the club.  After all, he's single now and we all know Agent Stahl is kinda slutty.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

We here at TV Makes You Smart are not particularly prone to introspection.  If you stop and think about why the threat of prison rape is funny...it stops being funny.  But if you just go with it, you find that Adibesi on Oz is both frightening and hilarious and Juice's situation last night is simultaneously cringe-worthy and giggle-inducing.  Who among us didn't laugh when the looming threat of sodomy started rubbing his own nipple?  Thank you, Sons of Anarchy, for effectively working prison humor into the storyline.

I hate you for making Jax scramble so much during the fight scene.  Every time he got to his feet he was manic and unbalanced.  It looked like he'd never been in a fight before.  Although it did contrast nicely with Clay's style, so if you were going for highlighting the age/youth struggle, maybe the scrambling was effective.  He just didn't look that tough.

I think I hate you for Jax icily reminding Agent Stahl of Khon's disappearance.  That doesn't seem smart and he had just finished being really smart.  Although you totally compensated for it with the blood in his hair and beard.  Nice touch.  While we're on the topic, thank you for Tara's face not healing instantly as a lot of shows would have it do.  The continuity is impressive.

Thank you for Bobby.  He's trying so hard.  Watching the thing through his eyes gives it more poignancy.

WTF Sons of Anarchy?  How much hardship does Opie really need?  We get it already!  Geez!

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you I hate you...WTF?

Sometimes things don't go our way.  Sometimes many things all in a row don't go our way.  We are of a strong constitution, America.  We are all of us made of sturdier construction than we think.  But Sons of Anarchy, you are pushing us toward despair.  Pushing us hard.  I hate you for nearly everything you did last night.  Practically the entire club locked up?  Opie...I can't even talk about it.  The IRA getting in with the enemy?  Jax knowing he's going to jail and backing up his brothers anyway?  Actually, that was quite good so thank you for that.  But Clay isn't smart enough to listen to reason, or he's too blinded by the power struggle to think straight?  Really?  How are you going to get us out of this Sons of Anarchy?  How?

Thank you for Tara and Gemma and evolving their relationship.

Thank you for Hale thinking creatively while dealing with Spawn of Zobelle.  Even if it did turn out to be a set-up.

WTF, Sons of Anarchy?  A tiny separatist with a gun?  Is it wrong that I laughed when he called Jax a "race traitor?"  Actually, I don't really care.  Thank you either way.

Honestly, this show is starting to be our new BSG.  Talk about despair!  By the second season of BSG we all realized that nothing good ever happens on the show, yet we all eagerly awaited the next terrible thing.  Sons of Anarchy, you are right on schedule.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you, WTF?

How long do we have to wait for Gemma to get some help?  I hate you, Sons of Anarchy, for bringing her so close to the relief of full disclosure and then walking her out.  But thank you for her gratitude to Tara.  It was touching.  And the elbow to Tara's face was kinda funny.

Thank you for showing Jax and Clay making their cases prior to the vote.  And the meeting.  I can't get enough of the SAMCRO meetings.  Thank you for Bobby and Clay hugging.  It was a convincing moment in what is suddenly a more believable relationship. 

Thank you for Unser and Hale.  Well done.  It was a nice touch that Unser still calls Gemma "Gemma Teller". 

WTF Sons of Anarchy?  How did you make it seem reasonable that Opie has come around to Clay's side?  And are you really going to put Opie together with mommy meth head?  She is a meth head, right?

Thank you for bringing back the manuscript in such a great way.  As comfort for Gemma and bonding for Jax and Tara it was a welcome sight.  And if Gemma starts coming around to Jax's way it will make for really interesting television that we did not see coming.

WTF with Zobelle sending his daughter out to do dirty deeds?  That doesn't seem believable.  But thank you for her fear of Gemma.

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VH1 continues its redemption efforts with Broke and Famous. and then completely redeems itself in the eyes of trash TV lovers with Sex Rehab.

This FX show set in post-Katrina New Orleans will probably have lots of important social commentary and whatnot, but what makes it compelling is the use of the word vigilante.

HBO is trying an interesting storytelling method.  Worth checking out.

Marlee Matlin, Mario Cantone and Carol Leifer working together is really exciting and is only one of the projects Leifer has in the works.

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Sigh.  This is the kind of celebreality programming we can look forward to in place of drunken young women with loose morals throwing tequila at each other.  Flavor Flav goes back to school.

GLAAD likes Glee.

Yay!  Besides Bethenny, fabulous Christian Siriano and adorable Fabio Viviani are also getting their own shows on Bravo.

FX has more new shows in the works.

Matt LeBlanc has a sitcom in the works for Showtime and the premise is a good one.

Here's a bit more info on AMC's Walking Dead.  There's not even a production start date yet.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you, WTF?

Remember last season when Kipp, AKA Prospect, AKA Half-Sack had the plotline where Clay got mad at him for commenting on Gemma's hotness and for revenge had sex with Cherry just because he knew Kipp liked her?  Then Kipp and Cherry briefly had a sweet and uncharacteristically wholesome relationship?  Then Cherry had to flee to Canada and Kipp was heartbroken?  Thank you, Sons of Anarchy, for giving Kipp something to do this season in addition to being comic relief and other than being a sad (half) sack.

I hate you, Sons of Anarchy, for making AJ Weston a human being.  Although, it was nicely done and I'm glad Gemma didn't shoot him.  Poor Gemma.  And while we're on the topic, how long do we have to hear about her needing help and support before she gets it?  C'mon!

Thank you for a fairly awesome action sequence.  The flatbed, Tig's smartass mouth, the looks on the faces of the bounty hunters...all very satisfying.  Assault and indecent exposure inside a livestock transport?  Was that the charge?

WTF, Sons of Anarchy, is up with the Opie/Jax fallout?  Not so believable. 

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

I hate you, Sons of Anarchy, for Gemma's PTSD, but thank you for the depth of her awesomeness.  Love her and Tara, love her determination to not let the bad guys win.  And thank you for her explanation to Chief Unser about it, because I hope it's true and if she hadn't said it out loud I would have thought her silence was for completely different reasons. Side note to Ethan Zobelle: Never underestimate Mrs. Gemma Morrow.

Thank you for taking the time to pan slowly across the wreckage of debauchery from Bobby's party and for Tig waking up with ass in his face.  Funny.

I hate you, Sons of Anarchy, for giving Jax and Tara another trust issue just when they cleared one up.  The look on her face when he thanked her for the honesty policy was a great moment by Maggie Siff.

Thank you for Jax yelling at Luann so fiercely we could hear an accent.  It's nice to see someone scared of the hero once in a while, if the hero is supposed to be a tough guy.

I still hate you for what you did to Opie, but it has created an interesting, complicated dynamic between him and Tig.  Was Tig's story true?  Does Tig have depth?

Tom Arnold?  WTF? 

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you I hate you WTF?

You know how once you're grown there are certain things you look forward to even as you know that those things will ultimately disappoint you?  If you make a big effort to have fun on New Year's Eve you end up holding your friend's hair while she pukes or end up waiting in line outside a club when midnight happens.  You think a weekend in Las Vegas will be non-stop freedom from the drudgery of your real life but it's like, 150 degrees in Vegas and there's a ton of annoying people there.  On the other hand, sometimes when you're not even trying the most miraculous things happen.  Sometimes when you least expect it, Jax Teller's ass comes into your life and you can hear the angels sing.  Thank you, Sons of Anarchy, for what was considerably more than a glimpse of Jax in the shower.  He may have spent the day killing and lying and whatnot and sure, he's both good and bad, but at the end of the day without his clothes on he looks like the way a king should look.

I hate you Sons of Anarchy, obviously, for putting Gemma through that.  She's so smart and so suspicious but of course she can't say no to helping a choking baby.  And really...a choking baby?  We're all on board with hating the white separatists!  Adam Arkin and Henry Rollins are pulling it off beautifully.  Don't go over the top.

Thank you for the party, for the debauchery, for the sense of brotherhood.  Thank you for "little vegan pussy" and "wife-beater onesie."

I hate you for Opie ignoring his kids.  Don't do that to his kids, Sons of Anarchy.  Piney was right.  It ain't their fault.  Opie came to his senses there at the end, right?

Thank you for the first scene, for the bullets and hair flying.  And for the hills in the background which look convincingly Northern Californian.

And WTF, Sons of Anarchy, is up with Charming's local law enforcement?  Sad sac Chief Wayne Unser?  Is he going to die?  And Deputy Chief David Hale is suddenly sympathetic?  It's an interesting choice.

Why You Should Care About "Sons of Anarchy" and What You've Missed

FX's Sons of Anarchy is back for a second season on September 8.  If you missed the first season, you missed a surprisingly good, interesting show about family, community, loyalty and personal morality that happens to have tons of motorcycles, guns, violence and some hot sex.  The Hamlet influence is definitely there if you care, but if not then it's simply a serial drama.  Most episodes have sub-plots that neatly tie up or promise to resurface later.  It's a show that puts the main characters in dangerous situations that seem impossible to resolve successfully.  Sometimes they do, but rarely for all involved.  It's also a show that you just know would kill off a significant character at any moment.  The club members have goofy banter that's the equivalent of the wiseguys sitting around the Bada Bing.  All of the actors have serious skills and are perfect for their roles.  And come on, America, don't you want to see Peggy Bundy and Hellboy in bed together?

If you want to jump into the second season but are reluctant to go in blind, here's what you need to know.

Dear Rescue Me: Thank you I hate you WTF?

Have you ever had a job that you reallyreally hate?  I mean really hate so that you wake up in the morning filled with dread and despair and while you're at the job time becomes a cruel monster dripping the seconds through his hand with torturous languor?  You know how during a day spent working that job your lunch break and maybe even bathroom breaks are a lovely sanctuary and you're so grateful for them you feel like you might weep?  In Rescue Me the comic banter between the firemen is the lunch break in an hour otherwise filled with despair.  So thank you, Rescue Me, for Tommy and Lou's conversation about boners. 

Thank you, Rescue Me, for Janet and Sheila's fight and for Sheila's line: "I am about to serve him with these."

I hate you, Rescue Me, for just about everything else.  Including, but not limited to, Uncle Teddy losing his mind, which also...WTF Rescue Me?  How do you even come up with a scenario as deeply twisted as Uncle Teddy forcing all the firefighters plus two family members to sit and watch Tommy bleed to death?  It's messed up, Rescue Me.  I can't wait to see what happens next.

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This is so exciting it made me clutch my chest and gasp aloud.  Timothy Olyphant returning to another series as the star, based on an Elmore Leonard story...I can't find the words.  Of course, something this promising is bound to fail.  But we'll for sure get 13 episodes.  Here's a clip.  Mr. Olyphant looks good in a hat and no one delivers a quiet threat quite like he does.  Please, please get Ian McShane to guest star.

Mexican Night

How great is Lou?  In one scene he admits to liking The Real Housewives of New York, uses the word "dame" and lets the audience know he cooks with capers.