TV Makes You Smart

Dear Lost: WTF?

Um...huh?  I need to find a physicist friend to watch this with me and explain time travel and alternate realities and whatever else may be going on way over my head.  This is what I understood: Sawyer is broken-hearted in one reality and has the hots for Kate in all possible realities.  Boone can't shake the speech pattern of a diabolical but loveable vampire.  There are a ton of Others we've never seen before and they have a well-defined leadership structure and a fear of The Man in Black.  TMiB is also the Smoke Monster.  Sayid lives...or does his body live with someone else inside?  Did you not promise us to start answering questions, Lost? 

Dear Friday Night Lights: WTF?

Hey, Friday Night Lights, remember when all the bad stuff that happened to your characters was interspersed with good stuff?  Stuff like winning championship games and hilarious, eternally cheerful sidekicks named Herc?  Buddy Garrity on El Fuego is pretty frakkin' great, but not enough to make up for Calvin getting shot and killed in front of Vince (although the scene in front of Jess's house was quite beautiful), for Tami being crucified on the cross of religious extremism, Luke apologizing for a nasty injury and praying for drugs, Matt looking lonely in a gloomy city and Tim being viciously insulted for something he didn't do.  Where's the good stuff?  There are only two episodes left and next week looks terribly sad.  WTF?

Dear Friday Night Lights: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

I understand that if all the characters were happy all the time and never experienced any hardships or obstacles it would not be a story, okay?  I get that.  But it still seems so cruel to make it look like Vince is doing so well and then show us that he isn't.  You give us the simple pleasure of watching Coach and Vince sitting at a picnic table discussing plays, then our hearts break for him as he cries to his mom that he needs her and tries to get help for her.  Then Vern talks Coach into letting Vince freestyle on the field, then Vince ends up with $4,000 and a gun in his hand from his bad influences.  It's all so frustrating.  But thank you for Coach and Vern taking their relationship to the next level, it's adorable.  And Tami's hilarious reaction to Coach's hangover.  And Vern showing up to watch his son play.  Thank you for all the boosters out watching practice.  Awesome.  But the list of things I hate you for is long.  Becky and Luke, their parents, the Riggins brothers illegal activities, Vince Vince Vince.  Still, every week I come back for more pain.  And it looks like next week there is going to be a lot of it.

Dear Friday Night Lights: Thank you.

The Lights of Carrol Park

I'm sure I speak for all lovers of The Wire when I say thank you for casting Larry Gilliard as a reformed gangster.  It is profoundly satisfying, for no sensible reason, to watch him and imagine for a second that D'Angelo Barksdale made it out.  Thank you.  Keep casting The Wire alums.  Thank you for Tami Taylor and Buddy Garrity greeting the other team before the game and for Buddy Garrity's "E'ryone loves football".  Thank you for the comedy of Coach asking for help with the padlock.  Thank you for the perfect chemistry of Jess and Vince and Jess and Landry.  Both are believable and appropriate for their relationships.   And even though it is not all that believable that Becky would have unprotected sex, thank you for the storyline that gives Matt Lauria a chance to kick ass.

Dear Friday Night Lights: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

The latest installment in the ongoing educational series "What Would Tami Taylor Do?" shows us exactly how to deal with unwanted physical advances.  We are also reminded that sometimes even Tami Taylor is at a loss.  All she can do for a daughter with a broken heart is give her a big hug.  Thank you for giving Julie an episode to grieve. 

Thank you for the stripper fundraiser and the premature labor scare at the drive-in that is appropriate to the Riggins family with all the bickering.  Poor Billy Riggins.  I hate you for piling so much stress on a guy who's not even a main character.  And Tim displacing all of his Daddy rage was hard to watch.

Thank you, again, for Landry.  His call to Tyra about waiting for her like a British footguard with his eyes straight ahead was romantic and tragic.  He's completely adorable when he asks Jess out and all during the academic smackdown and his attempts to help Julie.

WTF Friday Night Lights?  You're going to injure Luke?  Really?  Just when his Dad starts to see the light and the Lions are about to win a game.  Thanks for him and Tinker, though.

Dear Friday Night Lights: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

There are so many things that make Coach loveable, we can't always remember them all.  So thank you, Friday Night Lights, for reminding us how hilarious it is when Coach deals (or doesn't deal) with the press. 

Vince and Luke are developing an interesting relationship.  The moment of awkwardness they have when Coach hands them a tape to watch together was uncomfortably expressive.  And the few minutes of them in Sears was strangely touching and satisfying.  Thank you for J.D. McDick's look of terror when Vince gets in his face.  And Coach Stan's eastside flava.  Also his inappropriate enthusiasm and confidence.  It's a lot of fun.  

Thank you, again, for Landry.  For his cluelessness and earnestness and awesomeness.  We're so glad he's still in school this season.

WTF with Becky and Tim and Becky and Luke?  Would it kill you to have one female character immune to the charms of Tim Riggins?

I hate you for breaking Julie's heart so thoroughly, but we all know it had to be done.  The image of Matt in his car with a map on his dashboard was perfect.  Bye Matt.  It is better to have loved and lost than to never have been sucked into this show by loving you.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

Oh, Sons of Anarchy.  Your ways are devious and labyrinthine.  I am starting to wonder, again, at what point does a guy start to think, "You know, this whole biker outlaw thing....totally not worth it."  Stolen babies, murderous intentions, abdominal stab wounds...where's the payoff?  Granted, you do get to shoot at your enemies from the back of a truck and that looks pretty fun.

Dear Mad Men: Thank you for Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce

It was all so perfect the way it unfolded.  Don's righteous anger at Connie, who really made the whole thing possible by spilling the news.  The first flashback to his father was when he set foot in Sterling Cooper after hearing it.  Was that the moment, then, that he decided to go to Bert?  Was it his remembrance of his father's refusal to let the decisions of others control his destiny, to not be batted around like a ping pong ball that pushed Don into Bert's office?  To successfully goad Bert into action and for it to be believable even though we've always thought that Bert threw in the towel long ago was quite a feat, especially since Bert greeted Don with, "What's so urgent that you had to wake me?"  Roger is next and the first to take advantage of the situation to extract a compliment from Don.  Also, "Join or Die?"  Welcome back, funny Roger!  Lane, who has likely spent weeks ruminating on how close he came to living in India, is ripe for the picking even before Sinjin unknowingly pushes him over the edge.  It was fantastic to see Peggy tell Don what she feels, her no is articulate and shows her insight into what she is to Don.  His threat to go to Kurt and Smitty rolls right off her. When he goes to her apartment she looks at him like she knows she's getting a Draper-moment pitch and she's immune to it.  She is not. Pete and Trudy are brilliant, with Trudy catching on before Pete and Pete's "I'm not really sick."  And he brought Clearasil with him, which may mean they'll be adopting soon, right?  Harry and Pete in the elevator having two different conversations was typical of poor clueless Harry.  Don kicking open the art department was inexplicably great.  And of course Roger calls Joan.  It's perfect.  As were the details of Bert moving his art and Peggy not getting coffee.  Thank you for showing a bit of the aftermath, everyone gossiping and trying to figure everything out the next day, including Paul's disappointment when he sees Peggy's empty office.  All in all, this was an extremely satisfying finale.  It was exciting, suspenseful, funny and poignant.  Thank you. 

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

You know what?  Jax Teller's ass is not a universal cure for all that ails us.  Don't get me wrong, it comes close.  So thank you, Sons of Anarchy.  Anytime you want to show us Jax stripping down and getting in the shower, we'll take it. 

But I hate you for Zobelle's continued victory.  Why do the white separatists always get to win?  On the other hand, who is more evil?  Zobelle or Clay?  I don't know anymore.  While we're on the subject, I hate you for Clay's loss of perspective and common sense.  Who will get behind him on dealing with Hamas?  Even Tig has a conscience these days.

Thank you for SAMCRO finally succeeding at a criminal endeavor.  They may have taken the long, wrong way around it, but they accomplished with the judge what they needed to.  How messed up was that guy that he was ready to watch his son die but not his love letters burn?  Nice touch.

Thank you for Gemma and Unser even though it was kind of corny.  Finally, Gemma finds a little of what she needs.  Next week says aloud that she has suspicions about John Teller's death!  Gasp!

WTF?  Chuckie had to die?  I know it's not certain, but still.  And while Darby was a scumbag, at least he was a scumbag SAMCRO could consistently subdue.  Although, Jax thinking Clay did it?  Brilliant.

I want to thank you for Opie finally finding a bit of happiness or comfort in Lyla, but I suspect you're setting him up for another fall.

Finally, Bobby bakes banana bread?  Really?  It's super cute.  Thank you.  He's trying so hard to hold everyone together.

Mad Men - The Whole Country is Drinking

America.  We all remember watching TV all day long on 9/11, even when nothing new was being reported.  We watched as talking news heads repeated themselves over and over.  We all looked at each other to see if anyone else had a clue about what should be done.  Do we stay at work?  Is it okay to drive somewhere?  Will stores be open?  What about tomorrow?  When tomorrow came all we could talk about was the day before.  On Mad Men we saw the characters reacting to the national tragedy of their time and we can't help but notice the difference.  Their TVs aren't as nice.

The episode reminded us, as this show often does, that some things never change.  Office buildings are too hot or too cold.  Adults act like children and children understand more than their li'l hearts can bear.  Smart girls sleep with unworthy men.  And some people hate the president.

Dear Friday Night Lights: Thank you.

!contains minor spoilers about the new season currently on DirecTV!

Ah... Friday Night Lights.  Welcome back.  When you're gone it's easy to forget just how awesome you are.  Sure, there's other TV (okay, lots of other TV) in my life, but there's a special place just for you.  Thank you for not disappointing me.  Last night had tons of good stuff, great moments and funny moments amidst the hardships.  Thank you for Devin and Landry "...hunger strike, probably" and Matt and Landry and Grandma and Landry and the asshole kid and Landry.  Thank you for getting the Riggins boys back together to express their love the only way they know how, by rolling on the floor fighting.  Thank you for giving the Taylors a sweetsexy moment in the kitchen.  Thank you for exploring the details of the unpopular redistricting.  The nasty town hall meeting where Tami stood tough and Joe McCoy smugged, Devin yanked from class while a sheriff watches.  Finally, thank you for Coach Taylor.  He is completely overwhelmed, has all the cards stacked against him, spent much of the episode looking like he's about to lose his mind, yet he came through with an awesome pre-game speech that very nearly had me running out my front door in search of a football field. 

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

I'm so depressed, Sons of Anarchy.  I mean, yes, we all knew going into this that any show combining Hamlet and motorcycles was never going to be exactly feel-good, but when the only good thing that happens is Kip's satisfaction with his neuticle, you are laying the tragedy on a bit thick.  Because the thing about Shakespearian tragedy in its original form is this: after you read or see a play it's over and you go on with your life as the memories of the terrible things that befell our heroes slowly fade.  It does not continue every week to just get worse and worse.  So just like the last few weeks, I hate you Sons of Anarchy for piling on all this crap with precious little comic relief.  Because there's no way I'll stop watching.

WTF?  I'm beginning to suspect TWOP was right.  SAMCRO's criminal misdeeds are neither impressive nor very successful.

Thank you for giving Opie back a bit of his sweetness.  There's something nice about his protectiveness of a woman whom he is not banging.

WTF have you done to Otto this season?  I'm almost hoping he'll turn on the club.  After all, he's single now and we all know Agent Stahl is kinda slutty.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

We here at TV Makes You Smart are not particularly prone to introspection.  If you stop and think about why the threat of prison rape is funny...it stops being funny.  But if you just go with it, you find that Adibesi on Oz is both frightening and hilarious and Juice's situation last night is simultaneously cringe-worthy and giggle-inducing.  Who among us didn't laugh when the looming threat of sodomy started rubbing his own nipple?  Thank you, Sons of Anarchy, for effectively working prison humor into the storyline.

I hate you for making Jax scramble so much during the fight scene.  Every time he got to his feet he was manic and unbalanced.  It looked like he'd never been in a fight before.  Although it did contrast nicely with Clay's style, so if you were going for highlighting the age/youth struggle, maybe the scrambling was effective.  He just didn't look that tough.

I think I hate you for Jax icily reminding Agent Stahl of Khon's disappearance.  That doesn't seem smart and he had just finished being really smart.  Although you totally compensated for it with the blood in his hair and beard.  Nice touch.  While we're on the topic, thank you for Tara's face not healing instantly as a lot of shows would have it do.  The continuity is impressive.

Thank you for Bobby.  He's trying so hard.  Watching the thing through his eyes gives it more poignancy.

WTF Sons of Anarchy?  How much hardship does Opie really need?  We get it already!  Geez!

Dear Heroes: Thank you I hate you...WTF?

Thank you thank you thank you for Sylar being Sylar again!  But I hate you for him being so sad over learning he killed his mother.  But thank you for bringing Samuel and him together, although now both of your compelling characters are in the same plotline, so I'm guessing you'll find an extremely boring way to fill the extra time. 

WTF?  Do you really need to spend so much time on the fact that a girl has a crush on Claire?  Really, Heroes?  I'm sure it has nothing to do with appealing to the male fans, especially since nbc.com is prominently showing CLAIRE'S KISS from every camera angle.  Lame.

Thank you for Peter and Emma.  It's cute and sweet and you'll probably over-complicate the whole thing before killing her off and/or never mentioning her again.

Thank you for Becky.  She's a badass.  A totally adorable badass.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you, WTF?

How long do we have to wait for Gemma to get some help?  I hate you, Sons of Anarchy, for bringing her so close to the relief of full disclosure and then walking her out.  But thank you for her gratitude to Tara.  It was touching.  And the elbow to Tara's face was kinda funny.

Thank you for showing Jax and Clay making their cases prior to the vote.  And the meeting.  I can't get enough of the SAMCRO meetings.  Thank you for Bobby and Clay hugging.  It was a convincing moment in what is suddenly a more believable relationship. 

Thank you for Unser and Hale.  Well done.  It was a nice touch that Unser still calls Gemma "Gemma Teller". 

WTF Sons of Anarchy?  How did you make it seem reasonable that Opie has come around to Clay's side?  And are you really going to put Opie together with mommy meth head?  She is a meth head, right?

Thank you for bringing back the manuscript in such a great way.  As comfort for Gemma and bonding for Jax and Tara it was a welcome sight.  And if Gemma starts coming around to Jax's way it will make for really interesting television that we did not see coming.

WTF with Zobelle sending his daughter out to do dirty deeds?  That doesn't seem believable.  But thank you for her fear of Gemma.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you, WTF?

Remember last season when Kipp, AKA Prospect, AKA Half-Sack had the plotline where Clay got mad at him for commenting on Gemma's hotness and for revenge had sex with Cherry just because he knew Kipp liked her?  Then Kipp and Cherry briefly had a sweet and uncharacteristically wholesome relationship?  Then Cherry had to flee to Canada and Kipp was heartbroken?  Thank you, Sons of Anarchy, for giving Kipp something to do this season in addition to being comic relief and other than being a sad (half) sack.

I hate you, Sons of Anarchy, for making AJ Weston a human being.  Although, it was nicely done and I'm glad Gemma didn't shoot him.  Poor Gemma.  And while we're on the topic, how long do we have to hear about her needing help and support before she gets it?  C'mon!

Thank you for a fairly awesome action sequence.  The flatbed, Tig's smartass mouth, the looks on the faces of the bounty hunters...all very satisfying.  Assault and indecent exposure inside a livestock transport?  Was that the charge?

WTF, Sons of Anarchy, is up with the Opie/Jax fallout?  Not so believable. 

Dear Heroes: Thank you I hate you...WTF?

The thing is, America, we want to like Heroes.  Because back when it was good it was veryvery good.  So when we watched it last night we were not inclined to hate it.  Which is not to say we were particularly looking forward to it, even with the addition of glam rock T-Bag to the cast.  We worried there would be no Sylar left and for at least the past season, Sylar has been the only compelling character.  Thank you, Heroes, for Sylar being evil enough to mind-torture Matt (who's supposed to be a good guy but is actually really boring) and strong enough to begin breaking out his Nathan prison.  Go Sylar!  Go T-Bag!

I hate you for the "one of us one of them" struggle.  Snore.  And Hiro and Ando.  Is this a sitcom?  C'mon Heroes.  Give them something better to do.

Thank you for several scenes of people actually using their powers. 

WTF Heroes?  Do you intend for us to be rooting for the bad guys?  Sylar and T-Bag are the only ones making this show worth watching next week.

Dear Fringe: Thank you I hate you...WTF?

Ah, Fringe.  You came out shooting. In about the first five minutes you gave us a weird people-copying-cord and Agent Olivia flying through a windshield from a previously empty car.  You followed that with Walter's heart breaking in the hospital.  Thank you for reminding me right away why I like this show. 

I hate you Fringe, for Charlie.  I will never trust you again.  Poor Charlie.

Thank you for Peter.  He's awesome.  He is at least as awesome as a typewriter used to communicate between alternate realities.

But Broyles and Sharp kissing?  WTF Fringe?  And the bible.  You're really going to take us there this season?

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

I hate you, Sons of Anarchy, for Gemma's PTSD, but thank you for the depth of her awesomeness.  Love her and Tara, love her determination to not let the bad guys win.  And thank you for her explanation to Chief Unser about it, because I hope it's true and if she hadn't said it out loud I would have thought her silence was for completely different reasons. Side note to Ethan Zobelle: Never underestimate Mrs. Gemma Morrow.

Thank you for taking the time to pan slowly across the wreckage of debauchery from Bobby's party and for Tig waking up with ass in his face.  Funny.

I hate you, Sons of Anarchy, for giving Jax and Tara another trust issue just when they cleared one up.  The look on her face when he thanked her for the honesty policy was a great moment by Maggie Siff.

Thank you for Jax yelling at Luann so fiercely we could hear an accent.  It's nice to see someone scared of the hero once in a while, if the hero is supposed to be a tough guy.

I still hate you for what you did to Opie, but it has created an interesting, complicated dynamic between him and Tig.  Was Tig's story true?  Does Tig have depth?

Tom Arnold?  WTF? 

Dear True Blood: Thank you I hate you WTF?

Hey, True Blood, remember back in season one when Bill wore cool clothes and was absurdly sexy and dangerous?  Remember that time he licked blood out of Sookie's head without her consent?  That was hot.  Or that time she went to his house during the day and sat on his steps?  Remember when he glamored the cop?  He used to be so cool.  What happened True Blood?  What did Bill do to remove himself from your good graces?  Even when he's helping to save Bon Temps Sookie's like, shutup and bury the body.  I hate you, True Blood, for spending all that time getting me to invest in season one Bill Compton and then abandoning him for season two Bill Even-my-ex-beats-me-up Compton.  Remind us, True Blood, how his story broke our hearts.  Show us again the image of his wife and son on the porch while Lorena hisses venom in his ear.  And for heaven's sake, put him in control of something.  Also, more Bill and Jessica acting like family would be nice but now I'm just being greedy.

Thank you, True Blood, for Sam goring Maryann.  It was very satisfying.

I hate you, True Blood, for your continued cruelty to Hoyt and Jessica.  Although Hoyt looked so hunky storming out of his mother's house that I lost myself for a second and smiled but then it's like, wait...what?  Oh, right.  Tragedy.

Thank you, True Blood, for Sheriff Dearborne's line to Andy: "You might have your faults, Andy.  But at least you got pants on."

And then there's Sophie-Anne and Eric.  WTF True Blood?  You can't give us even two more seconds of them making out?  Why so stingy, True Blood?